Markers

Like Crayola - but life's markers usually don't wash off. I suppose this is good because a lot our important times are great memories that we would be sad to lose with just a little soap and water. And, as much as we can sometimes wish that the harder memories would just disappear, I don't think that is what we want either, not really.

You've heard it before, without the rain we couldn't appreciate the sunshine, right? So I just keep telling myself that. Things go SO well, I'm happy, I forget, and then, it's like a sharpie stain on my hand that I see and go "Crap! I forgot how bad that hurt" (not physically, but well maybe if you had allergies to Sharpie ink..but I think we all know that's not what I really mean!)

Markers - memories - closure? I don't know, I can hope. Life's tattoos. It's quite a picture really, all your important milestones marked on your skin. Would they be gray scale or full color? Does it depend on the event? Or on the emotion? How would you tattoo your soul? I can picture myself covered in the ink of life and its happenings. Some would be beautiful and happy, others ugly and horrifying. And still others would surpass the beauty of everything else but remain the hardest, most tragic memories of all.

To me the best part of that kind of tattoo, is the lack of thought. Here I go comparing it to a book - and yes it's fantasy/sci-fi. Anyway, I was reading a book called City of Bones, and there is a supernatural race of half angel/half humans. And they protect themselves with runes inked on the skin. I think of that when I think of my body covered in tattoos of my memories and experiences. Chaotic in a way that makes sense. Beautiful, with no real design or plan. Not a lot of thought put into where each one goes, or what symbol I would chose to represent it, or the color. Something that just, well, happens. Appears. Which would be important and hard for me. Important because it took me 3 years to get ONE tattoo that I was sure I wanted. At that rate I wouldn't be inked from my childhood memories yet! Decisions - logic - pros and cons - these things take me awhile, most of the time anyway. Hard - because that would mean I don't have control, and giving up control is something I might have a couple small issues with, maybe.

The thing about the runes, which draws it closer to my analogy, is that when the rune was used, or changed, small scars were left behind. The average person could barely see them, but if the light was right these beings would be covered in delicate white scars. So are we. Not all scars mean something horrible has happened. But usually, when you go through something that causes a physical scarring, you come out stronger in at least one way.

So with this holiday, and the receipt of a great gift, a marker for my lost baby girl, I realize that maybe that scar isn't quite as healed as I thought it was. That wound is well on its way to a scab, but it still hurts when you pick at it. Thankfully, with any wound, even if picking at it prolongs the process, it will heal and I will have a beautiful scar on my soul.




I can't link videos but this is a good song, not found on Youtube but you can listen to it on Yahoo music. Saddest of Tattoos by Artie Tobia  

Another interesting Tattoo song, I find it very pretty, but sad too...

Sade, Like a Tattoo