Love Is a Finicky Thing...

...to a lot of people anyway. Ok so I know I just decided to take a break from dating, and this is NOT about me deciding to stray from that plan. I'm very happy now that I made my decision, and the decision to stick with it!


However, I get to sit back and watch people make the same mistakes over and over again. And yet every time they start, they think it's the best thing in the world. I guess that's the great thing about "love" or lust I think is more appropriate at that stage. So for a week it will be posts about how wonderful and amazing life is, and then in a month it will be crap.

I've always been someone who takes some time, usually a lot of time, to say those three little words. Maybe this is because I've been on the receiving end - too early - too many times. And it makes me uncomfortable. There are few people that I say "I love you" to. And to those people, I say it often, because I really do love them! I have to admit that the last relationship, I said it early, way early, and I should have known better, I hadn't even gotten to know this person and here I was saying those committing words. That right there should be a warning - if by saying those words I feel committed, and worried about it, then I definitely shouldn't be saying it!

The other side of the story is - Those who fall in and out of love so easily, tend to base their whole world on the status of their numerous relationships. Every time I have decided to be single I have been happy, with myself. And I think this is HUGE for anyone! How can you love another if you can't stand to be alone with yourself?

I'm sure I sound all high and mighty about relationships, and some might take this as my jealousy towards those in happy unions. But that's not it at all. I just see what I have been doing, but through others actions and it makes me more confident that this is the best decision for me right now.

I wish I could tell some of these people these things without getting criticism or defense, but I can't, so I will empty my thoughts here. I guess it's the hardest for me to see friends jump from one relationship, directly to another without a minute to breathe. I did this, and I at least had a couple months in between - still I feel like I just JUMPED and rebounded, over and over again. And there is a couple of friends with kids in the mix. I still feel horrible for the two people I got my kids close to. I feel so guilty for doing that too them. Divorce was hard enough but letting more people into their lives for me to just decide that it wasn't right? Wrong Mom! You should have figured it out BEFORE your kids got used to seeing these people on a daily basis!

And I know that I didn't feel this guilt until the relationships were over, or almost over, and I realized what I did again. And I know that these people don't see it now, but it's happening. Those little hearts are getting attached to the one you are with, and when you break up, they will have no concept of why or how. And you are going to be left explaining why that person isn't around, and won't be around anymore. I know, because I answer these questions often.

I'm happy that right now I am in control of my happiness and my destination - and I know that no matter what I will remain in control. As long as I stay with this ideal, I will remain strong, and healthy, relationship or not. I will not be brought down because someone is in a bad mood. I will determine how I feel, based on HOW I FEEL, not someone else!

I wish I could spread that to more people - by example I guess. Maybe we are all separate halves of a whole - looking to be complete. But I want my half to be as whole and stable as possible before I attach it to someone else!