Sleepless in Awesomeville.

Awesome. It is definitely one of my most used words these days. That's ok because I have friends that like that word. Well one in particular uses that word a lot. He can't really help it. Being the self appointed Minister of Team Awesome and all. But that's not really what I wanted to write about today. Not directly anyway.

Awesome. I think I'm doing pretty awesome at the moment. Yes I joined the dating sites and I think it was a good test for me. I'm not opposed, but I'm not really chomping at the bit to go get all serious and involved and stuff.

I'm really quite content where I am at. I know, I know, "content" means it could be AWESOME, if I let it. And it really is. I still have sleepless nights though. Which suck. Bad.


I went out for the 2nd time since October. I was home at a decent time, but still couldn't freaking sleep! My brain, even slightly fogged by beer, would not stop running! It was one of those rare times when my content self says - what if it was AWESOME!?

Silly really, and they were not bad thoughts, I was not having a personal pity party with my pillows all night. I just was thinking. Day dreaming, but it was at night...but since I was awake I think it still qualifies as day dreaming? I don't really know but you do understand where I am going right?
Anyway, I have some really great people in my life right now. I have some wonderful, supportive friends. Friends that don't let me be too hard on myself, that call me on it when I do. You know who you are. And going out again made me realize that these are the people I need to focus on. They actually care about me. Yeah, so a drunk chick told me I was beautiful, thanks and stuff but really?

By the way - being a girl, if a girl tells you that you are beautiful and gorgeous (obviously she was drunk, I was SO styling in my gray khaki like pants, t shirt and hoodie) But anyway - are you supposed to compliment back? I just got to the point I could TAKE a compliment without telling people they are stupid and to shut up. Seriously, it's taken a lot for me to say "Thank you" and not "Thank you but..."

So what I was talking about. I like to drink, yes. I like to dance and I like to sing. I do not have to go to the bar to do this, but it is OK if I chose to do so. I can hang out with my friends and be completely sober and still have a blast. I'm just glad I'm seeing my options more clearly.

I wish I wasn't so isolated in my area though, I miss some friends. I have a couple of long distance friends that I really, REALLY enjoy talking/texting to and I just wish I could hang out more.


I guess that's where my fantasy things were going last night. "It would have been so much fun if so-and-so was here!" I really spent a good 2 hours thinking about how awesome it was that I had such great friends in my life. Which, if I have to be sleepless I'd rather it be over how lucky I am, than, I don't crying about being home alone on a Saturday with no love of my own. And I was not doing that - for the most part. Haha. OK come on, you know that thought had to pass at some point, but I was pretty comfy cuddling my pillows and thinking happy thoughts about people I care about.