Sleepless in Awesomeville.

Awesome. It is definitely one of my most used words these days. That's ok because I have friends that like that word. Well one in particular uses that word a lot. He can't really help it. Being the self appointed Minister of Team Awesome and all. But that's not really what I wanted to write about today. Not directly anyway.

Awesome. I think I'm doing pretty awesome at the moment. Yes I joined the dating sites and I think it was a good test for me. I'm not opposed, but I'm not really chomping at the bit to go get all serious and involved and stuff.

I'm really quite content where I am at. I know, I know, "content" means it could be AWESOME, if I let it. And it really is. I still have sleepless nights though. Which suck. Bad.


I went out for the 2nd time since October. I was home at a decent time, but still couldn't freaking sleep! My brain, even slightly fogged by beer, would not stop running! It was one of those rare times when my content self says - what if it was AWESOME!?

Silly really, and they were not bad thoughts, I was not having a personal pity party with my pillows all night. I just was thinking. Day dreaming, but it was at night...but since I was awake I think it still qualifies as day dreaming? I don't really know but you do understand where I am going right?
Anyway, I have some really great people in my life right now. I have some wonderful, supportive friends. Friends that don't let me be too hard on myself, that call me on it when I do. You know who you are. And going out again made me realize that these are the people I need to focus on. They actually care about me. Yeah, so a drunk chick told me I was beautiful, thanks and stuff but really?

By the way - being a girl, if a girl tells you that you are beautiful and gorgeous (obviously she was drunk, I was SO styling in my gray khaki like pants, t shirt and hoodie) But anyway - are you supposed to compliment back? I just got to the point I could TAKE a compliment without telling people they are stupid and to shut up. Seriously, it's taken a lot for me to say "Thank you" and not "Thank you but..."

So what I was talking about. I like to drink, yes. I like to dance and I like to sing. I do not have to go to the bar to do this, but it is OK if I chose to do so. I can hang out with my friends and be completely sober and still have a blast. I'm just glad I'm seeing my options more clearly.

I wish I wasn't so isolated in my area though, I miss some friends. I have a couple of long distance friends that I really, REALLY enjoy talking/texting to and I just wish I could hang out more.


I guess that's where my fantasy things were going last night. "It would have been so much fun if so-and-so was here!" I really spent a good 2 hours thinking about how awesome it was that I had such great friends in my life. Which, if I have to be sleepless I'd rather it be over how lucky I am, than, I don't crying about being home alone on a Saturday with no love of my own. And I was not doing that - for the most part. Haha. OK come on, you know that thought had to pass at some point, but I was pretty comfy cuddling my pillows and thinking happy thoughts about people I care about.

Our Year 2010

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What Is Love?

Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

If you don't know that line, then we probably can't be friends anymore. I finally got around to writing an article of the Ferry County View, well this would be my second article. The first one being an informational interview of a local celebrity - ha ha hardly. But he would probably like to think so!
Anyway I was asked to write a "Valentine" article, to make the paper more lovey-dovey holiday like. Yeah, if I went with my honest opinion of the holiday right now it would probably induce feelings of depression and hopelessness. Not that I actually feel that way, I'm not as jaded as you might think. But seriously - you want a single mom to write a lovey-dovey article about the most "romantic" day of the year? Good luck with that.

So I did the next best thing I do...second to giving my opinion whether requested or not, I gave facts, historical facts. I'm good at that! I love history, I really do. And I love the folklore and legends behind our current, modern holidays.

Modern, that's funny. Being that most of these "Christian" holidays have absolutely no foundations in Christianity, actually more likely adopted to the Pagan festivals to make it easier for Pagans to accept the Christian beliefs. This is a totally different subject, and one that I really don't feel like getting into right now.

Anyway, Valentine's day. A day where you go buy chocolates, flowers,jewelry or at least a nice card for someone you care about. AWESOME. I have lots of people I care about, so should I send each of my friends a valentine? Not really the custom as adults, however it is the custom in grade school.

Do I have a 'valentine' this year? If by Valentine you mean an imprisoned priest in love with me, sending me love notes through my father, no. And if you mean in more conventional, easier to understand terms, it's still no. Not really, I mean I have friends that I will probably send a card to, because, I do care about them.

Does that mean romantically? No. Friends are friends and each and every one of them should be cherished.

But I love the songs that come to mind when I think of Valentine's day. For instance my opening line, probably most recognized from Night at The Roxbury, one of my favorite movies.

I'm still doing pretty good on my goals, as far as dating. I had that one little mishap and that date to Wal-Mart, believe it or not that didn't go much further. Other than that I have not been in a relationship, well since September. Go me!

I did join a dating website.... yeah I know what you are thinking. Anyway, it was a holiday loneliness thing that overcame me and I did it ok? I might have even joined a couple. So what?! Don't judge me! Most of the people have not been even friendship material, or they just creep me out so bad I can't even respond. Something like that, but I have met a couple people that I have been corresponding with. And let me clarify, even in all my profile information it says "friendship" I can have friends. It's ok. It's healthy. And apparently online dating is still more widely accepted than World of Warcraft. Which I do not understand. I mean, you really get to know things about people while fighting side by side against the scourge. Geek? Yes, however, at this point you really shouldn't be surprised.

So LOVE, that's what this is about. Did you know that in the Pagan festivals of ancient Rome it was custom for boys to cut up the hide of the sacrificial goat and soak the strips of hide in blood then hit the women of Rome with those strips? Could you imagine?

Eww... however it symbolized fertility and women actually wanted to be hit with bloody goat hide. Oh and I also found it interesting that there was a romantic Lottery, where the eligible maidens would put their names in a giant urn (the symbolism there I will not even get into) and then the bachelors of the city would draw names and they would be paired for the following year. What I found even more interesting was that these pairings were stated to "often" end in marriage. 1. To use the word 'end' as they get married, and 2. Was this courtship? Was this just carnal lust for a year and then... "by the way dear, I'm going to go ahead and put my name back in the urn this year." Either way I found the images of that amusing. Of course the Pope deemed this un-Christian and outlawed the practice.

Just so we are clear... I do not hate St. Valentine's Day and I do not hate those of you madly and deeply in love and want to celebrate this. But I do challenge you to not over use this holiday and forget about all the other 364 days in the year. The people you love should be told daily, and reminded of how much you appreciate them! This goes for friends too! I'm horribly bad at this, I'm a very lazy friend, but I am working on it!

So go ahead and eat your chocolate (which is also a horrible tradition, when most people vow to eat healthier for New Years) Buy those flowers, make someone smile. Give a Valentine - or maybe a goat hide? Just do it more frequently than one day a year!




I Wish you all a happy Valentine's Day, oh...and yeah, I love you too.